After listening to Celeste Headlee’s TED Talk, “10 ways to have a better conversation,” I have become hyper-aware of all of my conversations. Just after class the day we watched the TED talk, I had a conversation with my professor, Carol Zuegner, and during that conversation, I couldn’t stop thinking about how I was only talking about myself. Despite the fact that that was in the nature of the conversation—we were talking about some of my assignments for the semester—I was still worried that I wasn’t being a good conversationalist at that moment. I’ve been thinking about this speech a lot since hearing it.
In her Ted Talk, Headlee lists her top 10 tips for having a better conversation:
- Don’t multitask. Be present.
- Don’t pontificate.
- Use open-ended questions.
- Go with the flow.
- If you don’t know, say you don’t know.
- Don’t equate your experience with theirs.
- Try not to repeat yourself.
- Stay out of the weeds.
- Listen.
- Be brief.
No doubt, these are great trips but they left me feeling a bit anxious.
I started to overanalyze my conversation habits. However, this TED Talk isn’t the first time I have worried about being a good conversationalist. In the last few years of my life, I have noticed that at times, I am absolutely terrible at being present during conversations. I will be sitting in the kitchen while my roommate is making dinner, she is talking to me and suddenly the conversation ends. I snap back into reality and start to think, “Am I the reason we just stopped talking?” “Did I even respond to what she just said?” Then I start to try to replay the conversation in my head and realize I was texting while she was talking and I wasn’t even thinking about what she was saying. Then I start to feel so bad for doing that. And then the cycle usually repeats itself a few days later. This is one thousand percent something I need to work on.
I spoke with my roommate Josie while putting these tips into practice. My main focuses were to be present, not equate my experiences and to listen. I think being present and listening go hand in hand. Our conversation was nothing out of the ordinary. She had just gotten home from a long day of work and school, and as usual, I asked her how it was. I realized in our simple conversation that as long as I was present, it was so easy to listen. Additionally, not equating my experience with hers just helped me to keep the conversation focused on her. Naturally, because she is a caring person and we are friends, she asked about me, too. I was just trying to make sure that I wasn’t bringing up my own stuff when it wasn’t necessary to. I think besides actively trying to do these things, I was able to remain present, hear her and ask better questions.
This was a good exercise for me. It will take a lot of time and practice for these feelings of worry to go away, but the anxiety is good because it’s going to improve my skills. Conversing is extremely important for a career in public relations and therefore, this is extremely beneficial to my future.
Ruthie's Writings. 